I don't know why I have decided to keep up with this sometimes. Most of the time, I'm pretty positive that I'm the only person who returns here every few days. Every time I start to write a new entry, I kind of mock myself. And if there is someone reading this, I know how this sounds, but I'm really not trying to fish for compliments. I'm just being transparent, which is something I made a commitment to be when I started writing this a year and a half ago.
Because tonight is one of those nights. Its one of those nights when I feel like going to bed at 7:30. I feel like the day beat me up, and not because it was demanding in any way. I washed some clothes. I went by work to pick up my schedule. I returned a Christmas present I got for my dad that didn't fit him in exchange for some socks (because socks always fit, unless they're kid-sized. obviously). Demanding, right? But somehow, the day still kicked my ass.
Because somehow I've wound up curled up in my bed, hugging my dog, and wondering how I ended up here. Last night was New Year's Eve, and I didn't go anywhere or see anyone but my dad and step-mom. I went to bed at 10:30. I miss my friends.
I'm trying to stay positive. I really am. I applied for another job yesterday, this one in Round Rock. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Truly. I know Round Rock, Texas isn't New York, Chicago, or New Orleans, but at this point, its sounding like paradise. Because its not that I don't appreciate my parents letting me live with them rent free, or helping me out with a new car, or the part-time job I know that I'm lucky to have during an economic situation like the one we are in, I just want to start my "adult-life" the way I saw it starting.
Can you relate?
I'm wondering if Jesus can. I wonder if he sat around at 22 and thought, "Well, Dad, I thought we'd have this whole Savior career in full-swing by now. What's the deal?? I barely have any friends because I left them all in Nazareth when you told me to come Galilee. But now I'm just waiting for some guy to get put in prison so I can go and preach? Sounds kind of unlikely. Thanks for all the support."
Yeah. I know God knows what He is doing. I just wish I did, too.
About Me
- DB
- I like to read and write stories. True ones, and sometimes not-so-true ones. Stories are powerful.
2 comments:
You've still got a few readers in the blogosphere! :)
Keep asking, seeking and knocking - your connection to the life of Jesus and his time of waiting is powerful. We all go through times of waiting and longing for what is to come. Focus on your dreams and pray unceasingly for God's will!
Oh, Mark! Thank you for your encouragement. I really appreciate it :) I sure do miss you guys. I can't believe I haven't seen you two in a year! I sure do hope I'll have the chance to remedy that before 2010 is over!
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